


Lately You've Been On My Mind

by photographer_of_thoughts



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Bottom Isak Valtersen, Casual Sex, Deepthroating, Emotional Baggage, Even sleeps around, First Time, Getting Together, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Tattoos, Unrequited Crush, Virgin Isak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:34:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23489176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/photographer_of_thoughts/pseuds/photographer_of_thoughts
Summary: Even moved into Isak's spare bedroom - and his heart - eight months ago.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 92
Kudos: 694





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone. 
> 
> I know the world seems daunting and scary right now. I hope you are all staying safe and finding ways to occupy yourself if you're stranded at home. Hope this helps :) <3 
> 
> Notes about this fic:  
> -Isak and Even are 24 and 25  
> -Isak sometimes uses homophobic language in relation to himself  
> -Title from the song 'Adore You' by Harry Styles

Even is dancing with another girl on another night that he and Isak are out together, his smile smooth and charming as he leans in to kiss her neck; lick the scent of her perfume right off her skin. Isak stands next to Jonas and Magnus, nursing his first and only beer of the night. He knows he’ll be going home soon. 

The music that plays is annoying, too upbeat. The song before it sounded exactly the same. Everything is the damn same, and Isak kind of wants to pull his hair out. He doesn’t want to be here. There’s nobody here he wants to try and take home with him, no conquests. He doesn’t need that. 

“Isak, want another?” 

It’s Even who asks the question, the girl from the dance floor hanging onto his arm. His friend smiles at him expectantly and Isak tries to appear nonchalant. Unaffected. He shakes his head, coughing into his hand. 

“Nah. Thanks, bro.” 

Even just shrugs, offering to buy another round for Magnus, Mahdi and Jonas who all heartily agree. Tequila shots, apparently. The girl - her light brown hair meticulously curled and dark pink lipstick smudged - giggles when Even kisses her again before heading to the bar. 

“What’s up your ass tonight?” Jonas yells at him over the music, hands gesturing in Even’s direction like Isak somehow offended his roommate when he turned down the drink offer. 

“Nothing. I just didn’t want another beer.” 

“Right.” Jonas rolls his eyes and Isak just scowls back at him. 

“Where’s Eva?” Magnus asks, which sends them off into a discussion about Eva ghosting Jonas again. They break up and get back together practically every week and Isak doesn’t care to hear about it again. 

He doesn’t know why everything is bothering him more than usual tonight. But there’s an itch under his skin he just can’t scratch and it’s making him restless. He’s surrounded by friends and people at the club but he feels like he might as well be standing in the large room by himself. 

He watches Even bring back the promised tequila shots and winces when everyone downs their drink, quickly sucking on the provided lemon halves. Isak locks eyes with Even for a moment and he can tell Even knows something is up with him. He has a way of knowing things like that. It’s fucking annoying. 

“Kelsey has a friend here.” Even says to him, arm wrapped around Isak’s shoulders. Stealthy little shit. Isak didn’t even see him come over when he’d looked away a second ago. 

“Cool.” 

“Want me to introduce you?” Even asks the question right into his ear, his hot breath making Isak shiver. 

“Nah. I’m good for tonight. Not really feeling it.” 

“You’re never feeling it, Isak. All the girls I’ve practically thrown in your lap never seem to be what you want.” 

Isak shrugs off Even’s arm and takes a step away from him. “Maybe I don’t need you to throw girls at me. Maybe I can get laid by myself.” His tone is harsher than he thought it would be, but he’s too annoyed and too far gone to take it back. 

Even lifts his hands up in surrender and looks apologetic. “Okay, man. I hear you. I’m going to bring Kelsey home tonight, though. So wear your good headphones.” 

He saunters away, leaving Isak feeling like an even bigger idiot. He should have said yes. Yes, he wants to meet Kelsey’s friend. Yes, he wants to take her home as much as Even clearly wants to take Kelsey home. 

The words are sour even though he doesn’t speak them. 

Isak knows he doesn’t have the right to be mad at Even. He’s never sat him down and properly explained that he’ll never want any of the girls his roommate throws his way, because he doesn’t like girls at all. He’s known Even for eight months and the topic of his sexuality hasn’t come up. That’s not saying much, though, considering he’s never really told anyone about the fact that he only likes boys. 

Even moved into Isak’s two bedroom apartment after his older roommate moved out. It was kind of a relief because Isak had never gotten along with Adam. They weren’t rude to each other, but they never talked or hung out. He was Isak’s roommate all through Adam’s four year university life and he moved out when he found a job in his field. The apartment was close enough to campus but not officially student housing. 

Isak never went to school past Nissen. He works in the same cafe as he had five years ago. The only thing that has changed about Isak since he was eighteen is the twenty-five tattoos he now has, as well as his man-bun. Although, the man-bun was born more of laziness than trying to be hip. 

Even is the complete opposite of Adam. He went to university as well, but he isn’t smug about it. He doesn’t look at Isak with an air of disgust because Isak works in a cafe and doesn’t have any plans to change that. He’s also fun to be around. They watch films together, play video games, and go out almost every weekend. Isak isn’t surprised that he developed this stupid, totally inconvenient crush on his straight roommate. He’s had crushes on straight guys before. Jonas, for example. But it feels different because he  _ lives  _ with Even. 

He sees him naked on a regular basis because the guy is a total exhibitionist. And he knows exactly what Even sounds like when he comes, when he fucks all the girls he brings home so good they scream. 

So, maybe Isak knows the itch under his skin that can’t be scratched is Even. He can’t have him. He just has to live with the fact that Even isn’t into men, or Isak, and move the hell on. Maybe he just needs to finally admit that he is gay and go find someone to fuck him. 

Except that is awkward as hell, too, because Isak is a virgin. He kissed girls at Nissen, but never went further. And he’s never gotten up the courage to kiss a guy before. He’s never really had the opportunity. Maybe if he’d gone to university, it would have been different. He might have had the chance to experiment. But that hadn’t happened. 

The music is still too loud and his friends being drunk isn’t making Isak feel better, nor is the fact that Kelsey is shamelessly rubbing against Even like she’s expecting him to fuck her in the middle of the dance floor; eyes hazy from drinking. 

Isak hesitates another two seconds before grabbing his coat and heading home. 

***

Isak follows Even’s instructions about using his good headphones. He doesn’t want to hear Kelsey moaning or eventually screaming. He puts his music up on full blast as soon as he hears the door open, his legs crossed on his bed. Maybe he’ll try to discover a new show on Netflix to pass the time. 

He’s surprised though, when Even opens the door to his room and stands in the doorway. He looks more tired than usual, but is obviously still handsome. Kelsey isn’t behind him but she’s probably somewhere nearby. Isak frowns, pulling his headphones off. 

“What’s up? I don’t have condoms.” 

Even chuckles, shaking his head. “Don’t need those. I tried knocking, but you didn’t hear me. I wasn’t trying to just come in.” 

“It’s okay. What do you need, Even?” 

The other man shrugs, coming closer until he sits at the end of the bed. He doesn’t seem to be in a rush to get back to the girl he brought home. He just continues to sit there and looks around Isak’s bedroom. Isak suddenly wishes he didn’t have laundry covering his floor. 

“We’re friends, right?” Even suddenly asks. 

“Yeah. Dude, what is  _ up  _ with you? Don’t you have a girl waiting in your bed?” Again, Isak sounds a lot angrier than he intended. Even meets his gaze again, eyebrows pulling into a frown. 

“I didn’t bring her home. She was too drunk so I made sure she got back to her friends and into a cab. Why are you angry with me?”

“I’m not.” Isak says too quickly, looking back at his computer. 

“You are. I know you.” 

Isak rolls his eyes.  _ You don’t know all of me.  _ “Are you drunk?” 

“Are you only into guys?” Even counters, ignoring Isak’s question completely. He says it in such a nonchalant kind of way that Isak feels like the wind gets kicked out of him. 

“What the fuck, Even?” 

Even licks his lips, considering. “I don’t know. I thought that we’re friends. That you trust me. But it seems like every time we’re out, you never want girls. Like you’re not interested in them. So I wondered if you like guys, instead. And if you do only like guys, I wondered why you might feel that you couldn’t tell me.” 

Isak considers lying. It would be an easy thing to deny.  _ Of course, I like girls. Of course, I do, but I just don’t hook up at clubs.  _ Something along those lines. For a few seconds, Isak considers making up a story about being ultra religious and waiting until marriage for sex. But he’s talked with Even about his religious beliefs, so he knows Even would catch him in that lie. 

After a few long, awkward moments have gone by with neither of them saying anything, Isak decides to push his laptop to the side and fold his hands in his lap. He doesn’t look at Even as he starts speaking. 

“I haven’t trusted anyone with it, Even. It’s not just you. Nobody knows I’m gay.” 

As Isak admits this, says that one word outloud, he still feels so fucking scared. His heart is pounding and he knows he’s blushing, but he can’t help it. He can’t suddenly be fine with admitting to what he is because all his life he’s felt that it’s wrong. That he was weird. He didn’t want to be different from his friends. He didn’t want to be the guy with all the issues. His parents divorcing. His mother going crazy. On top of that he didn’t go to school to get any sort of degree, and he’s also a big homo. 

Suddenly, Even reaches for his hand and holds it between his own. “I didn’t mean to corner you into telling me. I’ve just wondered about it for a while, and I want you to feel comfortable with me. Safe, you know? I’m also the kind of guy who doesn’t feel close to people unless I can talk with them about most things, and this is one thing we haven’t connected about.” 

Isak nods, hyper-focused on the fact that his palm is clammy and Even can probably feel it. “I didn’t want you to look at me differently, or whatever. I’m tired of being different.” 

“I wouldn’t look at you differently, Isak. Fuck.” Even chuckles, shaking his head. “I guess I never told you that I’m pansexual. I held back on telling you because I couldn’t get a read on you for this area. We’ve never really...opened up about stuff.” 

Wait, so that meant…

“You like guys, too?” Isak says dumbly, feeling his cheeks flush even more at how eager he sounds. 

“Yeah.” 

“I’ve never seen you bring a guy home.” 

Even chuckles again. “Well, because it’s easier to bring girls home when we go out to straight clubs, and we’ve only ever gone to straight clubs together. Again, this is because I didn’t know if you’d be down to go with me to a gay bar. Your friends don’t seem like they’d like that scene, either. I’ve gone out to a particular gay club a few times with my other friends since living with you, but if I hooked up with anyone I went to their house.” 

Isak suddenly realizes how much Even has kept from him. He feels bad that Even went out of his way to make Isak comfortable in case he didn’t approve. He finds himself squeezing Even’s hand, lacing their fingers together. 

“Sorry if you felt like you couldn’t be honest with me. I guess we were both hiding this.” 

“We’re silly, eh?” Even sighs, and then he’s launching himself towards Isak and wrapping him in a hug. He ends up on top of Isak, the warmth from his body comforting, and Isak hugs him back. They both start laughing, and eventually Even rolls off of him and lays beside him on Isak’s double bed, both of them on their backs. 

Isak likes that he feels closer to Even. He also likes knowing that Even is attracted to men, too. But it doesn’t solve the dilemma of liking his roommate. If anything, it’s more awkward now because Even likes men but will probably never like Isak. 

“So, next weekend, do you want to go to the club with me? I’m also excellent at being a wingman for my gay friends.” 

“Um,” Isak stutters, words escaping him. Even sounds like he’d really like to take Isak with him now that they’ve bonded over this, but something holds him back from saying yes. “I don’t know.” 

Even turns himself to face Isak and props his head up on his hand. “Have you never been to a gay bar before?” 

“Well, no. I haven’t. But I also just...don’t really hook up the way you do.” The blush is back, but this time Isak feels it from his hairline to his toes. He knows it’s not uncommon to be a virgin in your mid-20s but compared to how many people Even has slept with, Isak feels really embarrassed. 

“Do you meet up with guys on apps or something, instead? Oh! Do you have a secret boyfriend you’re hiding?” Even asks, sounding excited. Isak winces, wishing that Even had caught on to what he’s really hinting about. 

“No, I don’t use an app or have a boyfriend. I’m kind of...uh...inexperienced with guys.” 

Even stares at him for what feels like hours but is probably only seconds. Isak is about to look away when his roommate suddenly takes in a huge breath. Isak hopes the lightbulb has finally gone off. 

“You’re a virgin.” It’s not a question, but Isak nods anyway. 

“I just never really tried to find someone. And I didn’t go to university, so there was even less opportunity and…” 

“It’s okay, Isak.” Even interrupts, putting his hand on Isak’s shoulder in comfort. “You don’t have to explain it like it’s a bad thing. If you come with me to the club, we don’t have to go for the sole purpose of finding people to hook up with. We can just go and have a good time.” 

“Okay.” Isak agrees. “But I mean, I wouldn’t  _ mind  _ finding someone to finally do this with. I’m not a monk, or asexual. I want to have sex.” 

_ I want to have sex with you.  _ Isak bites his lip before he accidentally lets that slip out. 

Even hums like he’s thinking deeply about what to say next. “You just want to find a guy to take your v-card? Or you want to date them first, ease into it?” 

Isak snorts. “I’m twenty-four and haven’t even kissed a guy. Don’t you think I’m easing into it  _ too _ much?” 

It’s meant to be a joke and Isak expects Even to laugh. But when he looks back at his friend, Even looks completely shocked. His mouth is hanging open a little bit and his eyes are wide. He looks like he’s not even breathing. 

“You’ve never kissed a guy? Like, you’ve done absolutely nothing with someone before?” 

“I kissed some girls in high school.” Isak shrugs, the embarrassment creeping back and smacking him in the face. 

“None of them gave you a hand-job? Or a blow-job? Nothing?” 

Isak shakes his head as he sits back up, feeling too exposed to keep lying down. He hugs his legs up to his chest. “I’m weird, I know. You don’t have to rub it in.” 

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like a judgemental ass.” Even quickly says, sitting up as well. “When you said you were a virgin with guys, I thought you meant you haven't fucked anyone before. Like dick in ass sort of situation.” 

Despite feeling like shit, Isak can’t help but let out a bark of laughter. “Loser.” He mumbles fondly. 

“Shut up. I mean, it’s not that stupid of me to misunderstand that. You’re completely gorgeous and the fact that nobody has sexed you up yet is a downright  _ crime.”  _

Isak’s smile vanishes from his face, and Even also freezes. He looks like he didn’t mean to say that, like he regrets it. “Um, you mean…” 

Even fiddles with his hair and looks anywhere but Isak’s face. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make this weird. I just think you’re a good looking guy, and funny. Like, really funny. I wanted to hit on you since I moved in, but thought it would be awkward since we live together and I assumed you were straight.” 

Isak can barely hear anything above the roaring of his own blood in his ears. “You like how I look?” 

Even looks back at him, eyes intense and pupils dilated. “Yeah.” 

“I like how you look, too.” Isak whispers, not wanting to lose his nerve. 

They sit there for another minute, smiling at each other, before Even is slowly reaching a hand towards him. When he cups Isak’s cheek, it feels like everything freezes around them. 

“Isak?” 

“Even?” 

“I have a crazy idea.” 

Isak swallows, hard. 


	2. Chapter 2

Isak curses himself for taking the early shift at the cafe. His hatred of mornings hasn’t changed since he was a teenager. It’s always devastatingly hard getting out of bed before seven. It was even more difficult this morning because unlike every other morning, he had a guy in his bed. 

“Isak! You nearly dropped hot coffee on me!” Belinda shrieks, bringing him out of his haze. He looks down and realizes the very full coffee pot he’s holding was about to spill. 

“Sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

He takes the pot back to where it belongs, rubbing his eyes as Belinda glares at him. Sunday mornings are always particularly busy. Everyone wants their morning fix. Normally, it doesn’t bother Isak because it means his shift goes by faster. But today he can’t concentrate to save his life. 

It’s only nine. He’s been here for two hours. He’s messed up five orders so far. Pressed down on the hickey that’s covering the right side of his neck about a thousand times, nearly getting hard at the slightest touch. And he swears he can still taste Even when he licks his lips. 

“Isak, what the hell? You’re supposed to be making drinks.” The sound of his boss’s voice startles him so violently that he ends up knocking a flavour shot container onto the floor. It smashes and his boss, Andy, rolls his eyes. “Get a broom.” 

***

**10 hours earlier**

“A crazy idea?” 

Even’s hand is warm against Isak’s cheek, his fingers long and slender. His hair is up in its normal quiff, the smell of his cologne heavy and pungent in the air between them. He smells so good,  _ looks  _ so good, and if Isak is reading this situation correctly Even is offering himself up as the person who takes his v-card. Isak has a lot of those, a long line of firsts, and he’ll gladly give them all to the man in front of him. 

“If you wanted to, I could show you a thing or two. Ease you into everything.” Even says the words slowly, and Isak can tell his roommate is slightly nervous. The pale skin of his throat is flushed, his glance a tad uncertain. 

“You’d want to?” Isak feels like he knows the answer, but his brain is still refusing to believe that Even actually  _ wants  _ him. He never thought he'd be sitting here in a million years. 

“I said you’re gorgeous, so  _ yes _ . And, honestly, I wish I’d had someone I trusted and knew properly to share my firsts with. They were all with random people who I didn’t see again.” It's the first time Isak has seen Even look regretful about his hook-ups. He’s normally so blase about them, like he enjoys it but doesn’t get hung up on what it all might mean; how it might actually affect him. 

“I…” Isak begins, but stops when he feels Even’s thumb slowly slide across his bottom lip. He can’t help the shocked breath he lets out, how strong the urge is to lick. 

“I really like your mouth. The curve of your upper lip.” Even whispers, almost like he’s saying the words to himself. His eyes are fixated there and Isak feels like he’s melting into the bed. 

“Please, Even.  _ Yes _ . I want you to show me.” The words feel like they’re vibrating on his tongue, his heart pounding and dick already fully hard. He has no clue when that happened, how long he’s been straining against the fly of his jeans. 

“You’re sure? Isak, you have to be sure. And you have to tell me if anything isn’t okay if we do this. Promise?” Even asks, already pulling Isak closer. Their mouths nearly touch, but Even hesitates, apparently waiting for Isak’s answer. 

“I promise.” And in the next second, they’re kissing. 

It starts off as a gentle press of lips, their breath mingling together. It’s so soft and delicate despite the stubble on both of their faces. Isak hasn’t done this with someone in years, and he suddenly doesn’t have a clue how he managed that. He moans unabashedly and tries to shift closer, opening his mouth a bit wider. He’s never wanted anything more in his life. 

Even begins to deepen the kiss, move his mouth faster and harder; making Isak really open up for it. Even’s big hands are still on Isak’s face, sliding down a bit further to where his heart is smashing against his skin. Isak feels Even’s tongue map out his lips, licking so gently but it somehow hurts. Makes Isak weak, unable to help how he throws his arms around Even’s neck just for something to do with his limbs. It feels like if he didn’t he’d float away. 

“Okay?” Even asks, mouths still touching. He’s breathing hard, grip tightening on Isak’s skin. 

“Don’t stop.  _ Please.”  _

Isak spares a moment to think that he should maybe be embarrassed for the amount of begging he’s doing, but then he decides he doesn’t care. Even kisses him again, slowly pushing him back down on the bed until Isak is lying on his back. 

Having a man on top of him is overwhelming. Isak’s been dreaming of this for years, since he allowed himself to fantasize about other men. He remembers Jonas describing how awesome it feels to have a girl straddle your legs, rub against you where she’s wet in her underwear. But Isak didn’t want that. He always felt weird for touching himself at night to the thought of a man straddling him, his grip tight and knowing on Isak’s skin; the press of their groins together the same and perfect. 

When Even lines up just right and really makes Isak feel how hard he is inside his own pants, Isak arches into it and tears spring into his eyes. He’s so turned on. He feels like he could crawl out of his skin. 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. You all right?” 

Isak nods feverently, reaching down and grabbing Even’s lower back. He pulls the other man into him, and Even quickly catches on. He starts up a rhythm and gets back to kissing Isak, tongue-fucking him now. Isak’s never kissed someone like this before. It never got this heated, but he loves it. Loves that it’s with someone he’s actually attracted to. 

He never knew it could feel like  _ this.  _

Isak is close already. Embarrassment begins creeping back into his gut, but the pull of arousal is stronger. He’s never done this before. Part of him knows it would be over quickly, that his body would over-respond to any kind of sensation. He just hopes Even doesn’t mind, or think he’s totally weird and want to stop. 

“C-close.” Isak whimpers, thrusting his hips up - searching and chasing that feeling. It’s taking him higher and higher, his mind a mix of swear words and Even’s name. 

“Slow down, then. Hey. Look at me, baby.” Even whispers, suddenly going still. Isak opens his eyes, feeling the tears leak down his cheeks. He hadn’t realized he was squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Sorry, I…” 

“Don’t be sorry. I just don’t want this to be over yet. I want to see you properly first.” Even says, smiling in a way that instantly makes Isak feel better. He sits up and pulls on the collar of Isak’s shirt. “I want to see all these tattoos up close.” 

Isak licks his lips, tasting Even, and sits up to take his shirt off. He throws it onto the floor and meets Even’s eyes before the other man looks down at his bare chest. He motions for Isak to lie back down and Isak obeys, still feeling desperate. He likes Even looking at him, but he likes when Even touches him more. 

Even sits on top of Isak’s waist like he’s riding a horse, staying up right to apparently get a better view. The pressure is distracting at hell - Isak trying to pull himself back from the edge he’d been about to fall over - but Even doesn’t seem to mind. He’s looking at Isak’s right arm now, the sleeve of tattoos covering it from wrist to shoulder. 

Even runs his fingers along Isak’s arm, biting down on his bottom lip as he does. Isak reaches up and feels the skin of Even’s stomach, still hidden under his shirt. “Tell me about them. Your tattoos.” 

Isak lets out a surprised laugh. “Now? You have me half-naked under you, and you want to talk about my tattoos?” 

His arm is one piece. He saved up for it for nearly a year and got it when he was twenty. The main design of it resembles the inside of a clock. Gears, wheels and springs in a bronze colour. The rest of it is made from flowers which have overgrown on top of the clock, symbolizing nature taking back what’s hers. There is a bird at the very top, stretching part way up Isak’s collar bone. A blue jay with its beak open and wings ready for flight. Isak explains all this to Even, who afterward leans down to kiss Isak once. He then pulls away much quicker than Isak would have preferred. 

“One kiss for every tattoo story.” 

Isak groans, smiling at how cheeky Even looks. “You’re a tease.” 

“I’ve been curious about them since I moved in. I didn’t realize you had so many.  _ Fuck,  _ you’re so hot.” He places his hands over Isak’s chest and rolls his hips like he can’t help himself. Isak pushes his hips up, meeting him and lets out a long breath. 

“I’m explaining quickly, so keep up.” Isak wants Even’s hands back on him now. 

He has the words “ _ This is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper”  _ tattooed over his rib cage on his left side, which is a quote from his mother’s favourite poem. He has a lotus on his left elbow in full colour because he likes that it symbolizes rebirth. A second chance. He has other quotes on the back of his right arm from various other writers he likes such as Kurt Vonnegut and Virginia Woolf. 

“You sure you didn’t go to university?” Even teases, pressing a series of kisses on Isak’s mouth. Isak tries to pull him back down properly or continue whatever it was he was going to do to Isak before the requested tattoo tour, but Even keeps to his statement. 

He has a butterfly in a geometric style covering the top of his right thigh. He just likes butterflies, okay? On the top of his left thigh he has a geometric stag. “Don’t laugh, but I like Harry Potter and the patronus that saves Harry is his father’s and it’s a stag.” 

“Fucking hell, you’re adorable.” 

He has his friend’s initials tattooed on his wrist. Magnus, Mahdi, Jonas and his create a circle; a forever bracelet on his skin. He loves those guys. They’ve been there for him with everything. On the back of his calves he has a sword through stone and an owl perched beside a small house. “From a movie. I watched it a lot with my dad.” 

By the time Isak’s done explaining them all, he’s down to just his boxers and so is Even. His mouth is swollen from kissing and his dick is tenting his boxers so much there’s a damp spot bleeding through. Even is also finally -  _ finally - _ back to where he was before, grinding against Isak and kissing him properly. 

“I’m going to take off your underwear soon, get my hand wrapped around you.” He suddenly whispers, moving to Isak’s neck. He starts kissing it, biting the flesh where Isak has “ _ so it goes _ '' tattooed in morse code. He’s going to have a giant hickey where the muscle from his shoulder and neck meet. He’s a thousand percent okay with that. 

“And then I’m going to wrap my hand around both of us at the same time until you come all over us. Sound good?” 

“Yes. Just do it  _ now.”  _ Isak pleads, and Even huffs a laugh into the red hickey. He pulls back yet again, but this time immediately pulls the boxers off Isak’s hips and then begins stroking his cock. Isak lets out a sound he’s never made before. 

“God, you’re so beautiful. That’s it.” Even whispers, kissing Isak everywhere now as he strokes at a steady pace. He kisses Isak’s jawline, his chest and nipples; sucking on them both for a few seconds, too. 

“Close. Want to feel you, too.” Isak begs, not wanting this to be over before he actually sees Even’s cock. He reaches down and tugs off Even’s boxers as best he can, not caring if they’re all the way off his legs. He just wants them down enough to get the other man free, which is exactly what happens. 

Even is thicker than Isak, but not as long. When Even lines up next to him and takes them both in hand, Isak feels like he loses his mind. It’s so damn  _ good.  _ Looking at the way Even is affected by all this makes Isak clench his abs and pull Even back into a kiss that’s mostly just breathing into each other’s mouths, but it’s intimate in a way Isak can’t comprehend. 

Even speeds up now, probably sensing that Isak is even closer and needs release. Isak finds himself tugging at Even’s hair with one hand and grabbing his back with the other, letting himself feel everything. Letting himself enjoy how right it all feels. 

“Come for me, baby. Just for me.” Even whispers, and that’s what does it. Isak arches his back and closes his eyes as pleasure washes over him, his whole body alive and shaking. It seems to last forever, so long in fact that he almost misses Even coming as well. But the way Even bites down on his neck brings Isak out of his own ecstasy just in time to feel how hard Even comes between their bodies. 

Isak gently pulls Even back up so they can kiss again, as gently as when they started. When Isak opens his eyes, he finds he’s once again letting tears drip down his cheeks. Even smiles and wipes them away, rubbing his nose against Isak’s. 

“Good?” 

Isak nods immediately. “So good.” 

***

  
  
  


Isak manages not to get fired before his shift ends, which is a small mercy. It’s the worst shift he’s ever worked, but as he hangs up his apron and gathers his stuff he’s just grateful that it’s over. Hopefully he won’t be as distracted tomorrow. 

“Try to get home alive, please?” Belinda says, smiling at him in the staff area. They all get their own lockers and she’s just gotten to hers as Isak’s about to leave. 

“I’ll do my best.” He chuckles, glad that she isn’t holding this against him. She’s usually a good sport and they often trade shifts when needed. 

Isak walks to the tram stop, fiddling with his phone to find some music. He’s been avoiding his phone all day, not wanting to be disappointed if Even didn’t message him, or too eager if he did. He doesn’t want to read too much into things. 

Even sleeps with a lot of people. It’s just a fact. He’s never been in a relationship as far as Isak knows. He sometimes sleeps with the same people again, but it’s not like he’s committed to someone. He offered to help Isak with his journey into not being a virgin anymore, and that is most likely going to be it. 

Isak can’t be disappointed about that because all Even offered was sex. He can’t expect more from the man, and he doesn’t know if he  _ wants  _ more from his roommate. So he’s been avoiding his phone all day due to the tangled mess that is his brain right now. 

When he finally makes himself look at his messages, he immediately feels stupid for how giddy he gets when he sees he has three messages from Even. 

  
  


**Even**

(08:34)

I woke up and you were gone, so I’m assuming you’re at work? 

Let me know you’re all right with everything <3

(10:06)

Isak? 

(14:45)

Just so you know, I really enjoyed last night. 

Hope you did, too. See you when you get home. 

And maybe, if you’re up for it, I can show you something else. 

<3 

Isak is so fucked. 


	3. Chapter 3

Isak opens the door to his apartment with his knees shaking so badly he feels like he’s going to collapse before he even gets his keys hung up. He was fiddling with his hair all the way home, a nervous habit of his and he can tell it's a mess. He doesn’t have enough brain cells to fix it though because as soon as he sees Even on the couch, smiling mischievously at him, all other thought just disappears. 

“Hey.” 

Isak clears his throat, toeing off his shoes. “Hey.” 

“Good day at work?” Even asks, standing up and turning the TV off. Isak laughs and shakes his head, blushing when he meets his roommate’s eyes again. They’re standing a few feet away from each other, Even’s eyebrows raised. 

“Not really. Broke something. Nearly spilled coffee on Belinda.” 

Even comes a little closer. “Belinda loves you. I’m sure she forgave you.” 

“Yeah, she did. But it felt like I couldn’t do anything right today.” He’s hyper-focusing on the way Even’s muscles flex beneath the cotton of his slightly too-tight t-shirt. He’s wearing his weekend sweatpants, the fabric faded and thin. He looks like he’s been lounging around all day like he does on Sundays. He probably called his father to discuss next week’s schedule. Made a pot of coffee, played some video games. 

He knows Even’s routines. He knows how he spends his time. They talk about it often. Right now isn’t particularly different. Isak worked a shift on a weekend, whereas Even always has them off. Even usually asks how Isak’s day was, except he usually stays sitting on the couch or at the table and Isak goes to have a shower to rinse off the coffee bean scent that attaches itself to his skin throughout the day. 

Even doesn’t usually saunter over to Isak and get close enough that he puts his hands on Isak’s hips and leans forward to press their mouths together. A quick, almost chaste kiss that does nothing to help Isak’s unsteadiness. 

“Why were you distracted today?” Even whispers. Isak leans into him, his own arms wrapping around his roommate’s shoulders. He breathes out deeply against Even’s neck as they pull each other into a hug. 

“I think you know why.” 

Even reaches up and plays the hairs on the back of Isak’s neck that have fallen out of his ponytail. Isak squirms, always ticklish there, but he also laughs because it feels good. Even touching him feels so fucking nice. 

Coming home to the man against him feels better than Isak can remember anything feeling. 

“I thought about you all day. Couldn’t concentrate to save my life, either.” Even confesses, lightly kissing along Isak’s jawline. 

“You weren’t at risk for being fired.” 

“True, but I felt like a teenager waiting for the boy I like to text me back all day, and then being pouty when he never did.” Even says, his mouth hovering over the hickey Isak has been playing with all day. He never stopped obsessing over it. 

Before Isak can reply, Even gently licks over the mark and then bites down again, sucking. Isak groans and holds Even’s face where he is, trying to indicate that he wants more. Whatever Even wants to give him, he’ll always want more. 

“What else do you want to show me?” Isak gasps, his neck throbbing as Even pulls away so they can look at each other again. His mouth looks obscene, lips shiny and puffy and Isak wants to feel them against his own so badly. 

“So many things, Isak. You have no idea.” He says, running a finger over Isak’s lips. Apparently his look appealing, too. “But I have to know why you didn’t text me back. Are you still okay with everything?” 

Isak nods. “I’m good. We were busy today, so I didn’t have much time to check my phone.” 

This answer seems to satisfy Even because a few seconds later he’s back to smiling. “Okay. You normally shower after work. Still planning to do that?” 

Isak coughs out a laugh and raises an eyebrow. “Is that your subtle way of telling me I stink?” 

Even rolls his eyes, but it’s fond. “No, idiot. This is me trying to know what you’re doing next, so maybe I can come shower with you. Shower sex can be fun, if you do it right.” 

Isak can’t help the way he sputters, the subtle blush that’s been painting his cheeks since Even kissed him again blooming fiercely deeper. Even just smirks at him and suddenly pulls his arm towards the bathroom. “Up for it?” 

Isak nods, not knowing what else to do. Their bathroom is on the small side, but he imagines they could both fit in the shower. His dick likes the idea of a wet, naked Even rubbing up against his own naked body. Once they’re inside the cramped space, his roommate already turning on the water, Isak suddenly feels self-conscious. He’s never showered with anyone else before. What if he actually smells bad? What if this whole thing becomes wildly unsexy for Even and he calls it off? 

“Isak, I can practically hear you thinking. What’s wrong? Is it too much?” Even asks, hands back on Isak’s waist and mouth gently kissing the side of his neck. Apparently, that’s a favourite spot of his. 

“I’ve just never done this. I’m nervous, that’s all.” He admits, not seeing how lying would make it any better. He knows he wants to explore more things with Even, and is pleased as punch that the other man is on board, but that doesn’t mean the butterflies in his stomach are going to magically fly away. 

“Okay. We can shower and then play games, or something. Maybe order dinner. Whatever you want. No expectations.” 

Isak nods, the mirror over the vanity already fogging up. Even begins taking off his clothes once a few more seconds have passed, perhaps confident that Isak isn’t going to change his mind. The sight of his bare shoulders and thighs prompts Isak into action, somewhat amused by the fact that he’s still ridiculously hard. Apparently nervousness doesn’t apply to his dick. 

Once they’re naked, Even pulls the shower curtain aside and gets into the tub, leaving space behind him for Isak to join. Once Isak steps in he closes the curtain and takes a few deep breaths as he watches Even stick his head under the water, closing his eyes. Isak finds himself standing with his hands over his junk, not really understanding why. The whole purpose of this shower thing was to see each other, right? And Even already knows what his cock looks like. 

Isak doesn’t have much time to freak out about what he should do because Even is once again reaching for him. He pushes back his mop of wet hair and rubs the water out of his eyes before pulling Isak up against him. “Your hair is still up.” As he says this, he pulls the elastic band out of Isak’s coffee smelling hair and smiles proudly. “Is it your turn with the water?” 

“Yeah,” Isak nods, trusting Even to help them switch places. 

The-legs-feeling-like-they’re-giving-out thing hasn’t really stopped. He briefly feels Even’s dick on his lower back as they’re trading spots before he’s quickly under the warm spray, his whole body relaxing. 

“I’ve been dying to get my hands in this hair of yours.” Even mumbles, hands rubbing the tense muscles of Isak’s shoulders. He plasters himself all along Isak’s back, pulling Isak’s face up and out of the way of the water so he can rest it against Even’s chest. “Will you let me wash it?” 

“S-sure.” Isak agrees, not expecting to be offered  _ that  _ of all things. He feels Even bend down and grab Isak’s shampoo, the one that smells of flowers. He knows that without seeing it because the cap on the bottle always gets stuck and he can hear his roommate struggle with it. 

Isak gets his hair wet enough for Even to begin lathering shampoo through the strands. He realizes that when his hair is wet it’s down to his collarbone. Maybe it’s time for a cut. Or maybe not, considering Even seems to love it so much. 

“Okay?’ Even whispers into his ear, hands briefly sliding down Isak’s stomach when he’s done washing. Isak nods back before closing his eyes and sticking his head under the water to rinse out the sweet-smelling shampoo. 

Isak didn’t know what to expect from showering with someone else, but overall he likes it. They both keep trading places to use their body wash and soap. Even asks Isak to wash his back and then returns the favour, both of them giggling. It’s not awkward though. It’s mostly just comforting, like it’s been since Isak walked through their front door. Isak doesn’t know if he’s imagining it, but it feels like something has changed between them. There’s a closeness - and intimacy - that wasn’t there before. And it feels like it goes beyond just seeing each other naked and having beginners 101 sex last night. 

“We’re all clean, now.” Even says a few minutes later, his back to the water as he looks Isak up and down. 

Isak smirks, leaning against the slightly cold wall of the shower. “Yeah.” His stupid dick still hasn’t gone soft, yet. But rather than hiding it, he keeps his hands to his sides and lets Even look at him. Even’s not exactly soft, either. 

“Isak?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Can we try something? I think you’ll like it.” Even says, coming a bit closer. “Closer” in the shower just means he’s right up against Isak, their groins and chests lining up in a delicious pressure that has Isak’s toes curling. 

“Okay.” Isak says, his eagerness outweighing the remaining nerves. He’s calmed down a bit during their shower, and now all he can think about is all the ways he wants Even to touch him. 

Even leans in to kiss him, his arms bracketing Isak’s head and somewhat caging him in. Isak doesn’t feel stuck or trapped. He actually likes the idea of Even surrounding him, keeping him safe; keeping them in their own little world. His hands timidly reach down to touch Even’s ass, but he’s not quite sure his roommate would like that. 

But Even makes an encouraging sound when Isak cups his ass, grinding his hips forward. Isak grips a bit harder and pulls him roughly into his crotch, both of them breaking away from the kiss to groan at how good it feels. 

“I want to blow you, Isak. Get on my knees for you.” Even suddenly confesses, pupils blown and chest rising and falling quickly. 

“Fuck.” Isak moans, hands reaching for the other man’s face and pulling him back for a kiss. It’s dirty and wet and Even bites his top lip before placing kisses along Isaks chest, torso and eventually his hips as he gets down. Before Isak can even blink, Even is on his knees and his hands are on Isak’s ass. 

“Tell me if you don’t like it.” 

Isak can’t help but laugh as he looks down and strokes his thumb across Even’s bottom lip. “I’m already close just from looking at you like this, Ev. I think I’ll like it.” 

He sort of expects Even to be smug about all this. Maybe wink at Isak, or smirk because he’s confident in his ability to blow not only his dick, but his mind as well. Even must have done this to a few other guys somewhere in his long list of hookups. But when their eyes meet again for a few brief seconds, Isak sees something else entirely in his roommate’s eyes. Apprehension. Even looks like he might crumble if Isak doesn’t enjoy whatever is about to happen. As fast as the nervousness appears though, it’s suddenly gone and Even leans in to press a barely-there kiss to the tip of Isak’s cock.

Isak shudders, grabbing Even’s shoulders to steady himself. His head falls back against the tile a little too hard, but it barely registers as Even takes him deeper into his mouth; gently sucking. The hand on the right side of Isak’s ass moves around to the front of his thigh and makes its way up to gently rub against the fullness of his balls as Even’s nose touches Isak’s pubic hair. 

“Even, holy  _ fuck.”  _ Isak all but cries, trying to hold back from allowing his hips to shoot forward. He doesn’t want to choke the other man, but it’s so difficult not to give into the urge. 

It occurs to Isak as Even makes a gutteral sound that he’s being deepthroated. Even has the whole length of his dick in his mouth, and based on the vibrations around him, Even is also liking it. He’s  _ moaning  _ because he has Isak down his throat. 

Even pulls back slightly and keeps the head of Isak’s dick in his mouth while jerking off the rest with the hand that isn’t on his balls, massaging now. Isak spares a brief thought that Even has a hell of a lot of coordination before he feels the familiar tug at the base of his stomach. He isn’t just heading towards the edge, he’s basically already falling off. 

“Coming,  _ coming.  _ Even, I’m…” Isak manages to sputter, his body slumping forward as he starts to orgasm. Even doesn’t seem phased by it, though. He keeps stroking Isak and sucking, swallowing down every drop until Isak has to push him off. He’s too sensitive, his whole body shaking and covered in goosebumps. 

He’s never come that hard in his life. 

“God, you’re so hot.” Even says, up from the floor. He leans in and kisses Isak’s slack mouth, tasting exactly how Isak always imagined come would taste like. Musky and sharp, the smell of sex and arousal and release. 

Even’s stroking himself, the top of his hand catching on Isak’s skin. He wants to reach down and help, but Even seems content with getting himself there while they’re tongue-fucking. Isak is still crowded against the wall, and the water is beginning to cool, but all he sees is how beautiful Even looks when his eyebrows squint together and his mouth goes slack as he comes on Isak’s belly for the second time in twenty-four hours. 

For a few minutes afterwards, they stand together and exchange lazy kisses. Isak feels sated and happy, almost high; in some kind of daze. When Even pulls back and turns the water off, they smile at each other and that feeling comes back. Something has changed between them. Something else is here, like a fresh stem emerging from the earth after heavy rain. 

Maybe whatever it is was planted a long time ago. 

“So, want to order some pizza? I’m starving.” Even asks, wrapping the towel around his waist after they’ve both dried off. Isak has one towel wrapped around his waist, too, and the other around his hair which always makes Even laugh. 

“Sure. I’ll just go get some clothes that aren’t my work uniform.” Isak agrees, feeling brave enough to kiss Even on the lips once more before heading to his own room. His roommate smiles at him and smacks him playfully on the butt on his way out. 

As Isak puts deoderant, sweatpants and a t-shirt on, he suddenly hears Even speaking from the living room like he’s on the phone. Maybe he’s already ordering pizza. They usually get the same. Two mediums, one vegetarian and one deluxe with a barbeque sauce base. They agreed on it from basically the second week Even moved in. 

Isak doesn’t think anything of it when he walks into the living room and goes to get a glass of water. Even is sitting by the kitchen table, waiting as he holds his cell phone up to his ear. He doesn’t look up when Isak sits down on the bigger of their two couches, beginning to put his hair back up into a bun. 

“Yeah, I’m still here. Why would I hang up?” Even asks, laughing. 

Isak smiles, too, thinking that Even was probably put on hold before. He suddenly thinks of the garlic bread that their favourite pizza place has, and he turns around to ask Even to ask for some with their usual order. But the words die on his tongue as he hears what Even says next. 

“Kelsey, I wouldn’t hang up on you, babe. Yeah, I’m down to get together soon for dinner. Make up for last night. Okay, that should work. It’s a date. All right, bye.” 

Isak feels all the blood drain from his face as Even stands back up. He’s still in his towel and looks mighty pleased that he’ll be getting together with Kelsey soon. For dinner. And most likely to fuck, too. 

“Sorry. She randomly called me. Can you order the food? I’m going to get dressed.” Even asks, tickling the hairs at the back of Isak’s neck as he walks past to his own room. The gesture is fond and familiar. But Isak cringes as Even disappears out of sight, his appetite completely gone. 

“Hey, maybe we should order some of that garlic bread, too? It’s so good!” Even calls from his room, and Isak makes himself pick up his phone to place the order. 

He makes sure to wipe the tears off his face before Even sits next to him, far enough apart to be normal for two friends. He listens to Even talk about the week coming up, how he’s frustrated about a few things and a few people who aren’t doing their job. They play a video game that Isak keeps losing. They eat their food and say goodnight. It’s all so normal. 

They don’t kiss. Even doesn’t ask if Isak wants to sleep in the same bed again tonight. They don’t even talk about what happened in the shower, or last night. 

Isak curls up under his blanket that still smells like Even and reminds himself that Even made no promises. Even has always slept with a lot of people. Even never said he wanted to be exclusive, or that whatever they’re doing was going to happen more than once. Or twice. Even was helping Isak dip his toe into the pond that is sex and closeness and acceptance of who he is and what he wants. 

That’s what he did, and Isak enjoyed it. They both enjoyed it, and now it’s done. Isak doesn’t have the right to be upset about it. 

He just doesn’t understand why it feels like his whole world is now in shambles around him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, thanks for your support/comments/feedback of this fic so far. I appreciate it :)
> 
> **Just something to note: Some of you have asked why Isak is a virgin, or assumed there is something that happened to him in order for him to still be a virgin at 24. Nothing beyond his own self-homophobia is the cause of this. He didn't really feel confident in who he is as a young person (as we see in the show) and so kept a lot of things to himself. This led to him never experimenting/dating. I am basing him off a few people I know who remained virgins until their middle to late twenties due to their own insecurities about themselves, whether that be sexuality or body-related issues. I tried to explain that in the story, but just thought I'd reiterate it here in case people were still curious!**


	4. Chapter 4

“Okay, what the actual fuck?” Jonas demands, sitting across from Isak at their restaurant table with his eyebrows raised. He looks pissed and Isak doesn’t understand why. 

“What? Everything is fine.” He shrugs, taking a sip of his beer. He hates the taste of it, but the slight buzz in his stomach creeping up to his chest is making it worth the suffering. 

“You’re acting weird.”

“Nope.” Isak says, emphasizing the ‘p’ loudly. 

“Are you and Even fighting?” 

“Nope.” 

“Then why do you both keep staring at each other with big cartoon-like doe eyes?” Jonas persists, and Isak is definitely grateful that Even is currently in the bathroom and out of earshot. 

“You’re the one who’s being weird. Even and I are fine, Jonas. Now shut up.” He snaps, chugging the rest of his drink. Isak looks around for their waiter in the hopes of ordering another beer, but he doesn’t see her. 

Magnus and Mahdi have remained quiet throughout Jonas’s interrogation, looking anywhere but at their friends. They probably feel awkward. Isak wishes they would change the subject, talk about their jobs or the fucking weather for all he cares. He can’t handle the way Jonas keeps looking at him with knowing eyes. 

“Why is everyone so quiet?” Even asks, chuckling as he takes his seat beside Isak again. Their thighs touch and logically Isak knows the booth is small so everyone is packed tightly together, but it feels like his roommate is closer than he could be. He’s now sandwiched in between Even and Magnus, wishing their food was already here so he could have something else to focus on. But they only ordered ten minutes ago. 

“Lull in conversation.” Mahdi says, and Isak shoots him a grateful look. 

“I’m fucking starving.” Even says, apparently unable to sense the tension at the table. He takes a big sip of his drink - some sort of fruity thing with vodka - and then touches Isak with his elbow. “We need to do groceries soon. There’s nothing in our fridge. I didn’t take lunch with me to work today because if I had, it would have been pickles and some mouldy cheese.” 

Everyone else chuckles good-naturedly, but Isak can’t bring himself to. Even has barely spoken to him this week and when he has, it’s been monosyllabic and grumpy. At first Isak was chucking it up to stress at work, but even when his roommate had stressful weeks in the past he never took it out on Isak. It couldn’t be that much of a coincidence that Even suddenly has nothing to say to Isak the week after they hooked up twice. 

Even has also gone out of his way to never be in the same room as Isak. He wouldn’t watch a movie with Isak after work. They didn’t make dinner together, either, which had been something they’d done since Even moved in. If Isak so much as stepped a toe into the kitchen, Even practically ran out of it mumbling something about needing to finish a work project. 

It has been the worst week of his life, and he’s not going to pretend otherwise. He isn’t going to act all chummy with Even in front of their friends for the sake of appearances. Fuck that. 

“You could have bought a damn sandwich.” Isak mutters, noticing their waiter walk past their table. “Excuse me, can I have another beer?” 

“Sure thing.” She winks, flipping her long ponytail as she walks away. 

They eat their meals and Isak has another three beers before everyone gets up to go home. The whole dinner was awkward and he knows he was probably the cause of it, but his head is too muddled to care. He just smacks them all, except Even, on the shoulder as a goodbye - laughing when they seem annoyed. He turns to walk towards the tram as Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus head the opposite direction. It’s barely a minute before he suddenly feels a hand on his arm. 

“Get off of me.” He mumbles, pulling loose. He knows it’s Even. He knows they’re going to the same place because his home is Isak’s home, but he doesn’t want to go home together. For the first time ever, he wishes Even lived somewhere else. 

“I’m sorry, Isak.” Even says, continuing to walk beside him. “I’m sorry for being an asshole this week.” 

“Whatever.” 

“It’s not whatever. I’ve been awful to you.” 

Isak suddenly turns on his heel, ignoring how dizzy the move makes him. Even stops walking and turns to him, a stupidly hopeful look in his eyes. “Yeah, you have. Why, Even? It was you who suggested the whole hook-up thing. You kind of went out of your way to make it seem like it wouldn’t be weird, and then you made it fucking weird!” 

“I know. And that’s why I’m sorry.” 

Isak waits all of five seconds before shaking his head angrily, continuing to walk. “That’s not an explanation. I don’t know if I want to hear it, anyway.  _ It’s not you, it’s me,  _ or some such bullshit, right?” He says over his shoulder. 

“That’s not it, Isak.” 

“How about  _ you were a horrible lay and I don’t know how to tell you?”  _

They’re close to the tram stop and it’s crowded. They probably shouldn’t keep talking about this because Isak doesn’t want people staring. He’s about to tell Even as much when he’s suddenly yanked into a small alleyway. Isak feels the brick wall against his back in the next second, Even in front of him. Isak braces himself for whatever the hell Even has planned, his hands in fists. 

“Isak, that’s so fucking far from the truth it doesn’t even make sense.” His roommate says, sounding frustrated. 

“Then what the fuck, Even? You’re still my friend. If you didn’t want to keep hooking up, then you could have had the decency to say as much and we could try to go back to normal. Ignoring me like I have cooties is just childish.” Isak spits, hating how close his voice is to breaking. He can already feel tears in his eyes. 

This week has been fucking hell. 

“I don’t want to stop,” Even suddenly blurts out, so loud and hard it seems like he didn’t mean to say it at all. His eyes are wide, his neck flushed and he’s breathing too hard. “Fuck, Isak. I don’t want to stop  _ at all.  _ I fucking...loved what we did together. It’s all I keep thinking about. Your body and the sounds you make and how good it all felt.” 

Part of Isak immediately melts at the words because hearing Even say that he liked what they did together is stupidly reassuring. Isak had definitely been afraid that Even hadn’t been that into it, and was trying to let Isak down easily this past week. But another part of him feels like he’s being placated. 

“ _ I’m  _ the virgin here, remember? You already know what sex feels like. Stop making it out like sex with me has been so much different for you.” He snaps, rolling his eyes even though he doesn’t feel confident at all right now. His insides are basically mush. 

“It  _ did  _ feel different, though. I’ve never slept with someone and had it feel like it did with you. I’m not lying to you, Isak. I fucking swear. But it scared the hell out of me.” Even says, his voice as unsteady as Isak feels. He’s not looking at Isak anymore. His hands are in his coat pockets and he’s looking at the ground. 

It almost seems like he’s insecure, which isn’t a word Isak would ever use to describe his roommate. Even is always the first one to approach a girl in a club, always the first one offering to buy drinks; to flaunt his body around the house. He isn’t one to shy away from a challenge, a game night, a round of fucking truth or dare. Isak has always liked that about him because it isn’t born in arrogance but in self-confidence. He’s jealous of how comfortable Even seems to be with everything. 

But it suddenly hits Isak that although Even is confident, he also hasn’t had any kind of experience with feelings. He doesn’t dwell on things - almost to a fault. He doesn’t take a minute to really process how things in his life make him feel. He works for his father’s law firm and hates everything about it, but whenever the topic comes up Even just shrugs it off like it doesn’t matter. Everytime Isak woke up and whatever girl had slept over was sitting in the kitchen without so much as speaking to Even, he didn’t seem to care. He would just send her on her way with a kiss on the cheek and that was that. 

Isak realizes that what Even is saying is that he might have actual feelings for Isak, but Even doesn’t seem to have the first idea what to do about it. Maybe that’s why the sex felt different for him, but what does Isak know? He hasn’t slept with dozens of people. 

“Do you think…” Isak begins, clearing his throat nervously. “That maybe it feels different because we know each other? Because we’re friends?” 

Even shrugs, still looking at his feet. Isak hears the tram go by, knowing they’ll have to wait for the next one. His head is still swimming. He knows he’s drunk so maybe that’s making him read into things too much. Maybe it had been a long time since Even had been with a guy, and that’s what felt good about it. It all feels like too much to think about. 

“Have you ever actually liked someone before? More than just physically?” Isak blurts out, his brain to mouth filter apparently not done with this conversation. He reaches a hand up to Even’s chin and pulls it, wanting to see his friend’s eyes. 

Even looks up willingly, that same fear swimming around. He’s biting his bottom lip as he thinks and Isak keeps his hand on his chin. “No. I never wanted to be a couple with someone before. Just didn’t feel like me. ‘Monogamy is a joke’, my dad always says.” 

Isak scoffs, letting go. He needs to be horizontal in his bed. “Let’s just go home, alright?” 

“It used to make sense to me.” Even says, reaching for Isak again but his hand falters before he actually places it somewhere. “The idea that people won’t be together forever. Marriage seems stupid sometimes because so many people get divorced, so why bother?” 

“I’m talking about dating someone, not marrying them.” Isak says, rolling his eyes. How did they end up talking about marriage of all things?

“But dating leads to marriage after a certain amount of time, doesn’t it? People want to know where it’s going, and it usually goes nowhere or down the aisle!”

“You’re drunk.” Isak states. 

“A little. So are you.” 

“I know. What are we even talking about anymore, Ev?” 

“I’m saying that I never wanted to date someone because I don’t want to love them and then lose them. I don’t want to have someone just walk out of my life like my dad walked out on me and my mom. He left everything they made together. He broke her fucking heart.” Even cries, and Isak can’t help but be stunned by the sight of his tears. Even hardly ever cries. 

“Even, that doesn’t mean that will happen to your relationship.” He says timidly, not knowing what else to say. 

“Right. If I never have a relationship, I never have to worry about it. Which is how I’ve lived my pathetic life so far.” His roommate spits, a look of disgust flashing across his features. 

Isak doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what this means, what the point of this conversation is at all. Is Even really telling him that he has feelings for Isak but can’t or won’t act on them? Is he saying he wants a relationship? What if he…

“But I think I’d want to try with you, Isak.” Even says, wrenching Isak out of his inner turmoil. He looks up and sees his friend in a way he never has before. There’s no cocky smile, no showing off or refusing to even acknowledge that he’s a human with feelings. 

He looks at Isak and he can immediately feel it again. The shift between them. The hint of something else, something  _ more.  _ Even looks as vulnerable as Isak feels, like he’s holding his own beating heart in his hands and trusting it to Isak. Or maybe he’s just on the edge of giving it away for the first time in his life.

“You want us to be...a couple?” 

Even nods, suddenly right against Isak with his arms around his shoulders; pulling him into a tight hug. It's shocking enough that Isak nearly loses his footing, but he rights himself in time to hold them both up and hug back properly. 

“I might be horrible at being a boyfriend since I’ve never been one before, but I really like you, Isak. I think we could work. I think - if you’ll have me - that I’d like to try.” He whispers against Isak’s face, making him shiver. It takes him back to their last night out, when Even had leaned into him while trying to offer up Kelsey’s friend. Isak had shivered the same way. They’ve come a fuck of a long way since then. 

Because he’s thinking of Kelsey, he’s also thinking of the date he heard Even arrange with her last weekend. He pulls back from the hug and blurts out, “What happened with Kelsey? Did you ever go on that date?” 

Even shakes his head immediately. “No. I cancelled. I’m sorry I answered her call right after you and I…” He blushes, pointing between them. “I think my freak out started then.” 

“No shit.” Isak says dryly, letting out a long sigh. He knows Even is waiting for his answer, and a huge part of him wants to say yes and leave it at that. They can go home and have more sex - which Isak’s been missing - and be boyfriends. 

But another part of him needs some ground rules, considering they’re technically both virgins when it comes to relationships and apparently Even is confident that all relationships fail anyways. 

“If we’re together, I don’t want us to sleep with other people.” 

Even’s eyes widen for a second, as if he’s surprised Isak is actually considering this. He then nods eagerly. “Of course. Nobody else.” 

“If either of us freak out about  _ anything,  _ we talk about it. No more ignoring me when you’re scared about something.” Isak states, leaning up to place a kiss on Even’s mouth because he’s waited a whole week to do it again. 

“Okay. That makes sense.” Even smiles, swooping back in another brief kiss. 

“And we take it chill. Focus on today, not what  _ might  _ happen weeks, months or years from now. Nobody knows the future, so don’t pretend you do either.” Isak follows up this statement by booping Even’s nose. 

“Can I suggest something, too?” 

“Yep, I think that’s how relationships work.” 

“Smartass.” Even rolls his eyes. “It’s not really anything new, but if one of us doesn’t like something or feels like it’s too fast we have to tell the other person.” Isak nods in confirmation. 

“We sound so logical for two drunk people.” Isak says, meaning it as a joke but then he frowns. “Actually, I think this whole conversation has sobered me the fuck up. Please don’t say you’re that drunk and are going to wake up tomorrow completely forgetting what we talked about.” 

Even shakes his head, chuckling. His hands find their way to Isak’s waist. “I doubt I could forget that you’re my boyfriend, Issy.” 

“Boyfriend.” Isak repeats, feeling for a brief minute that the world doesn’t make any sort of sense. The guy he’s been crushing on for the better part of a year is actually dating him, and he likes Isak back. And they’re being all mature about it, too. 

“Home?” Even asks, already heading out of the small space they’re crammed into. 

Isak nods and suddenly feels brave. He reaches for his roommate’s -  _ boyfriend’s -  _ hand as they finally head meaningfully to the tram stop. “Home.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Just a note about Even using the word "pathetic:" I'm not saying that everyone who isn't in a societal definition of "relationship" is pathetic. Even just says that about his own life, how the fact that he hasn't allowed himself to try dating anyone makes him feel pathetic.
> 
> :)


	5. Chapter 5

“I’m freaking out.” Isak says as a good morning, grimacing as Even looks up from the drool pile on his pillow. They’d come home last night and pretty much gone straight to Isak’s room to sleep. They had put on a movie, cuddled and that had been it on Even’s insistence. A few more kisses had been shared, but no funny business. 

Isak had fallen asleep on Even’s chest in a happy bubble, but in the harsh light of the morning that bubble had apparently burst. 

“What? Why?” Even asks, sitting up properly to face Isak who is leaning against his headboard. Isak wants to smile fondly at the fact that Even’s face is an absolute mess of pillow indents, but the nervousness swimming around in his stomach overrules it. 

“I don’t know. I literally have no clue, but I’m all fucking nervous. What the fuck?” 

“Are you having doubts about being a couple?” Even offers. He sounds weirdly calm, like they’re talking about whether or not to order pizza. Isak finds it extremely comforting. 

“I don’t think so.” It’s the truth, too. 

“Okay. Are you worried about telling people? We don’t have to rush into that.” 

_ Fuck.  _ Isak hadn’t actually thought of having to do that, but he assumes he’ll have to tell Jonas and the boys. Maybe Belinda at work. He wonders how they’ll react, but he suddenly can’t imagine it would be the end of the world. He’s been nervous about telling people about being gay for years, but it might be easier now if he has a boyfriend. He knows Even would support him. 

“I...don’t think it’s that, either.” Isak sighs, running a hand over his face. “I’m sorry. You can go back to sleep.” 

Even scoffs at him, moving closer so their knees touch under the blanket. “Babe, if you’re having a crisis I won’t be able to fall back to sleep.” 

“I wouldn’t call it a crisis.” 

“But if you’re not okay then I’m not going to just ignore you. Maybe you just feel nervous because we decided a lot last night. About being together, I mean.” 

Isak can’t help but laugh a little. “So logical. You sure you’ve never been a boyfriend before?” 

Even smiles at him, pulling Isak’s right hand up to place a kiss in the middle of his palm. “I’m sure. I also just know you. Sometimes when you’re overthinking stuff, you freak yourself out. You’ve done that with work drama and when you had that argument with Magnus a few months ago.” 

Isak nods because it’s true. His overthinking has led to a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of migraines and quite a bit of missing out on stuff. His internal freak out about his sexuality sort of kept him in the closet since he was a teenager. It’s part of the reason he was a virgin up until last week. And he also hates conflict. When Magnus had told him he hadn’t been a very involved friend - due to him being stuck in his own head a lot - Isak hadn’t known what to do about that and then didn’t talk to Magnus for almost three weeks. It hadn’t done anything except prove Magnus’s point. He’d forgiven Isak eventually, but a wall had been put up between them since that. 

“You said we’re taking this chill, right?” Even says, lacing their fingers together. 

“Yeah. Did I ever tell you I suck at taking my own advice?” 

Even just continues to smile at him. “Everything is alright, Isak. We’ll take it slow. As long as your feelings for me haven’t changed, I think we’ll be okay. I’m still nervous, too, but it makes sense to only think about right now instead of what might happen.” 

After a moment, Isak nods and curls back up against Even’s chest. It’s still early, and neither of them have to work today. Maybe if he just closes his eyes and turns off his mind, he can get a few more hours of sleep. 

“Better?” Even asks, the words spoken around a huge yawn. 

Isak leans up and kisses him sweetly as an answer, falling back asleep after a handful of minutes. 

**

When Isak wakes up again, Even is out of bed and the sun is shining directly into his face. He squints as he sits up, predicting it’s early afternoon already. Why didn’t Even wake him up? He then hears the sound of movement in the kitchen and when he opens the door he’s greeted by the smell of eggs, toast and freshly squeezed orange juice. It’s an Even specialty. 

Even is at the stove humming Gabrielle of all things. The radio is on loud enough to hear the music but not loud enough to wake Isak were he still in bed. Even sways his hips as he stirs the eggs. 

“Uh, good afternoon.” Isak says, chuckling as his roommate jumps at the sound and drops the spatula. He turns around and glares at Isak. 

“Just for that, you don’t get any of these wonderful eggs.” 

“That’s unfortunate because I’m starving. And you know I love your cooking.” Isak sighs, feigning ultimate sadness as he pouts. Even continues to stare at him for another few seconds - pretending to be angry - before he breaks out into a smile. 

“How could I say no to  _ that  _ face? Come here and let me kiss it.” He wags his pointer finger in Isak’s direction, beckoning towards himself. 

“Kiss my face? Why would you want to do such a thing?” Isak walks a bit closer, a smirk playing across his lips. 

“Because it’s the best face I’ve ever seen.” Even says, looking proud of himself for the high levels of cheesiness he’s managed to bring out. He tugs Isak’s sleep shirt until their bodies align, swooping in for the promised kiss. “Shows how much I like your face because I don’t even mind the morning breath.” 

Isak holds a hand up over his lips, feeling embarrassed. “Sorry.” 

“Shut up.” Even rolls his eyes, placing three more kisses on Isak’s lips before turning around to shut off the burner. “Go sit down. Everything is ready.” 

Their kitchen table normally has tons of stuff on it; anything from utility bills to magazines, Even’s work stuff or Isak’s books. But as Isak walks closer to it, he realizes that it’s completely cleared off except for plates and mugs of coffee with a pitcher of orange juice in the middle. Even also lit two candles that smell like vanilla. Isak’s eyebrows are at his hairline when his roommate comes towards him carrying the frying pan. 

“What?” Even asks, looking confused. “Why aren’t you sitting?” 

Isak sits down in his normal spot, closest to the window, and lets Even put a pile of eggs on his plate followed by toast. Rye bread comes next - Isak’s favourite - with the perfect amount of butter on top. He still hasn’t said anything by the time Even sits down with him, shoveling a spoonful of eggs into his stupidly gorgeous mouth. 

“Oh! I forgot the tomatoes and cheese.” 

Even is up out of his chair so fast he ends up splashing some of his coffee onto the table. Isak just continues to stare after him, a warmth slowly spreading through his chest. Even went out of his way to make this nice for Isak. Like a proper  _ date.  _ Because they’re  _ boyfriends.  _

“I know you like making a sandwich with everything, so I cut these up for you.” Even says, setting down another small plate next to Isak’s cutlery and flashing him a big smile. 

“Thanks, Even. This is really...amazing.” 

“It’s just breakfast. Well, brunch I guess. Since it’s close to 2pm.” Even shrugs, frowning when he sees the coffee he spilled. 

Isak reaches across the table and grabs his boyfriend’s hand, trying to articulate how he feels. “It’s just really nice of you. I appreciate it.” 

“You’re welcome.” Even smiles, looking sheepish. “I want to be able to do nice things for you. And it feels really nice doing it, too. Which I didn’t expect.” 

Isak takes his hand back, smiles equally as sheepishly, and then digs into the breakfast. Brunch. It’s fucking awesome because Even knows how to cook really well. It’s always something he’s been good at, something he said his mother taught him from a young age. They apparently go crazy at Christmastime, making every kind of dish they can despite only having a few people over to share.  _ Tons of leftovers,  _ Even would say. 

Isak suddenly can’t wait to spend Christmas together, as boyfriends this year. And then Valentine’s Day, too. He’ll finally have someone to spend these days with rather than being alone once again and watch his friends enjoy it with their significant others. 

“Isak?” 

He looks up from his half-finished sandwich. Even just sounded way too serious. “Yeah?” 

“I want to...do something.” 

When several seconds tick by, and Even doesn’t elaborate, Isak feels his heart beginning to smash against his ribs. He puts down his food. “Okay.” 

“It’s nothing bad. Just something I wish I’d thought of earlier. Before we initially hooked up.” Even explains, taking in a long breath. “I want to get tested. For any STD’s. I do it regularly, and it’s always negative, but since we’re going to be exclusive now I just want to make sure everything is fine. For your sake. And before we do anything else together.”

The relief is so overwhelming that Isak feels himself sag back into his chair. “Fucking hell you scared me. I didn’t have a clue what you were going to say.” 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out.” Even quickly says, reaching for Isak’s hand this time. “I don’t want you to worry about it, either. I just want to have it on paper so it can give us both peace of mind.” 

Isak nods as he looks at their hands. “Makes sense. Thanks for thinking of that.” 

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot because there’s so much other stuff I want to try with you. Stuff I think you’ll like.” 

Isak can’t help the way his eyes immediately zone in on Even’s lips or how he can already feel a jolt of arousal at the thought of Even touching him again. The past week without anything has been torture, especially when it had been so  _ good.  _

“I think I’ll like anything with you.” Isak says, tightening his grip. “And I’ve been thinking about it, too. Way too much. An unhealthy amount.” 

“Yeah?” Even grumbles out, his voice suddenly lower than before. 

“Yeah.” 

“Do you think about it at night when you’re alone?” 

Isak smirks a little, tilting his head to the side. Even is all flushed now. “Maybe.” 

“Fuck. Okay, I’m going tomorrow. First thing.” 

Isak finishes his sandwich with that same smirk on his face, relishing in the way Even keeps squirming in his seat every time their eyes meet. 

**

  
  


“Hey Issy, what’s up?” Jonas asks the next day, his call coming bright and early at 8 am. Even is still wrapped around Isak’s back in his bed, fast asleep, as he holds the phone to his ear. 

“Um, well I  _ was  _ sleeping.” 

“I’m outside your building. Want to go for breakfast?” 

_ What the fuck? _ His best friend is not a morning person by any means. “Uh, I…” 

“Great. I’ll wait here. Be quick, okay?” Jonas interrupts, only to hang up a second later leaving Isak even more confused. 

He manages to pull himself out of the cocoon they’ve made for themselves in the blankets and throw on yesterday’s clothes. He debates waking Even up to come with him, but his roommate looks dead to the world. He always sleeps in during the weekends, too, since he has such long work weeks. He sneaks out of the apartment trying to make the least amount of noise as possible. It reminds him of when he used to sneak out of his parents’ house as a teenager. 

As Isak pushes the front door to his apartment building open, he finds not only Jonas leaning against the wall but Magnus and Mahdi, too. 

“Hey guys. What’s…”  _ going on,  _ Isak wants to say. But he doesn’t get to finish his question before Magnus swings an arm across his shoulders and yanks him towards the dark blue car that Jonas bought last year. 

“Good morning. We gotta move fast. The new breakfast restaurant is opening downtown and I want to beat the line.” Magnus says, tickling Isak’s stomach. 

“Is this why I’m awake this early on a fucking Sunday?” 

“Oh, grow a pair. This food is going to be worth it.” Magnus chastises, calling shotgun and pushing Isak towards Mahdi who’s going to be his backseat partner. 

“Will you stop manhandling me? Jesus.” 

Mahdi claps him on the back before nudging his right hip, prompting him to get into the car. “I think you like it, though.” Isak moves across the backseat to make room for Mahdi, catching Jonas’s eye in the rearview mirror. 

“They’ll have crepes.” His best friend offers, shrugging his shoulders as he starts the car. 

“Better be the best crepes I’ve ever had, or you all can forget any future breakfast endeavors.” Isak mumbles, crossing his arms across his chest and wishing he was back in bed with Even. 

“It’s too early for such threats, young man. Also, your man-bun needs adjusting.” Magnus says, turning around to wink at him. 

**

The crepes are actually amazing, and the coffee does wonders for Isak’s mood. Turns out Magnus has a huge crush on the owner of the restaurant  _ Crepes R Us,  _ and is trying to get up the courage to ask her out. The owner, a pretty girl with a cute-button nose and long, blonde hair keeps coming up to each table to see how everyone is doing. Magnus basically chokes on his bacon when she appears at their table, throwing all thoughts of getting her number out the window. She makes sure Magnus is okay but then practically runs away from them, looking shell-shocked. 

“Better luck next time.” Mahdi shrugs, booping Magnus on his nose with a finger covered in whip cream. 

“After that humiliation, I doubt there will be a next time.” Magnus sighs, wiping his face. Isak and Jonas just laugh, shaking their heads. 

As they approach the end of their meal, Isak suddenly feels very brave. He’s so fond of these boys - literally has their initials tattooed forever on his skin - and he wants them to properly know him. He wants to stop hiding who he is out of fear. Magnus got upset at him because Isak often retreats into his own mind, thinking himself safe. But it also means he’s cut off from other people, sheltering himself to a fault; making himself unreachable. It limits who he can be in a lot of ways. And he wants that to be different. He wants to be better, for himself and for others. Maybe that needs to start now. Maybe he needs to give his friends the benefit of the doubt because they’ve seen him through a lot of stuff and never judged him; never put him down. 

“Guys?” 

The three men across from him and next to him all stop talking and look over expectantly. Isak takes in a big breath, letting himself feel the nerves that have ballooned in his stomach - but not letting them win this time. “I want to tell you something. Even and I...we’re a thing.” 

A few seconds pass. “A thing?” Magnus asks, putting down his cutlery. 

Isak nods, staring down at his plate. “We’re together.” 

“Oh. That’s...cool.” Mahdi says next, sounding surprised but fine with it. “Did that happen recently?” 

Isak nods again. “Yeah.” 

“So, you’re gay?” Magnus blurts out, but it’s not angrily or laced with judgement. It’s such a Magnus way to ask things, blunt and to the point but not with his nose in the air. 

“Yep.” 

“Cool.” His best friend says, and when Isak looks up Jonas is smiling next to him. He nudges his elbow against Isak’s, nodding his head. “Thanks for telling us. Were you guys arguing the other night, then? When I asked what was up?” 

“We were figuring some stuff out. But it’s all good now.” 

“Wait, have you known you’re gay for a long time or did Even’s good looks and charm seal the deal?” Magnus asks, shoving his last bite of breakfast into his mouth and chewing loudly. Isak can’t help but laugh. 

“I’ve known since Nissen. But, like a lot of stuff, I was scared to tell anyone. I didn’t know how to deal with it.” 

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re not scared anymore.” Magnus continues, nearly choking again. Mahdi pounds a fist on his back, rolling his eyes. 

“I’m definitely still scared, but it’s not like before. It feels different now.” It surprises Isak just how true that actually is, how much has changed in such a short amount of time. 

“Cool.” Jonas repeats, but the word doesn’t feel dismissive. It reminds Isak of how he and Even describe what they’re doing as taking it ‘chill.’ It’s soothing in a way, to think of it as acknowledged but not overly explained. Today, Isak told his friends. Two days ago, he talked with Even and they decided to try it out. 

Taking it day by day is something Isak finds deeply comforting. 

“What does everyone have planned for the rest of the day? I vote video game marathon at Mahdi’s, since he has the biggest TV.” Magnus grins, shuffling closer to Mahdi until he’s practically out of their booth. 

“Sounds good.” Jonas and Isak say at the same time, and this makes Magnus declare that three against one overrules Mahdi’s eye roll which just makes the other man agree. 

“Here’s your bills. I made them all separate, hope that’s alright.” Cute-button nose lady announces, suddenly back in front of their table. It just happens to be when Magnus has a mouthful of coffee which he then spits out into Jonas’s face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the last :)


	6. Chapter 6

The week after Even gets his test results back is the best of Isak’s life. 

He never realized he could crave sex; the smell of someone else’s skin, the feel of another body against him. He never knew he could come so hard he would literally feel light-headed. He also never knew how much he’d love giving head, feeling Even’s hands on either side of his jaw; helplessly but carefully thrusting his hips so Isak has to take him a bit deeper. 

He never knew he could get off without Even touching his cock. 

“Isak,  _ fucking christ  _ I’m gonna come.” 

Isak’s on his knees in their kitchen of all places, Even above him leaning back against the sink. Even had basically jumped him the moment he got home from his shift and Isak wanted to feel him in his mouth again. He’d been teaching Isak a lot about blow-jobs recently - just last night they’d sixty-nined for nearly forty-five minutes, both of them coming twice. Isak thought about it all day, his jaw still aching. 

He doesn’t care about that anymore, how his mouth still feels bruised and stiff. He just wants Even to finally let go and come down Isak’s throat. 

“Isak,  _ please.”  _

He doesn’t want to take his mouth away so he squeezes Even’s hand, trying to tell him it’s okay. He doesn’t have to pull off and jerk himself until he comes, making Isak feel somewhat useless. 

Even seems to understand because in the next second he lets out a helpless grunt and shoots inside Isak’s mouth, filling it. It’s shocking but also not, Isak thinks, trying his best to swallow. It doesn’t taste bad, just salty and hot, and the fact that his boyfriend keeps whispering his name like a prayer makes it entirely worth it. Eventually, Isak pulls off and gets to his feet; face flushed and legs shaking. His right foot is asleep. 

Even immediately kisses him, something Isak has discovered is a must for his boyfriend after someone gets a blow job. Even likes tasting himself, and he likes to let Isak taste himself, too. He grips Isak tightly, a hand wrapped in the strands of his long, loose hair as he licks into his mouth. “You’re so good, Isak. Fucking hell. I’m so lucky.” 

Isak loves the praise, but he’s also getting desperate. He ruts against Even’s leg, unable to help it. He buries his face against Even’s neck as he straddles his thigh, already so close. 

“Let me touch you.” Even whispers, his other hand gripping Isak’s ass as he continues to thrust. For a handle of seconds, Even reaches down and presses against the fabric of Isak’s work pants - brushing against his hole. 

“ _ Even,  _ fuck me.” Isak whimpers, just as he starts shooting inside his boxers; the thought of Even inside him overwhelming him so much he can’t hold back. 

After he’s over the afterglow and Even is placing small kisses along his jaw, he feels stupid that he came without taking his pants off. His boyfriend just seems impressed, though. “Did you really like the idea of me fucking you that much?” 

Isak can only nod, not seeing the point of lying. The idea of another man inside him has been something Isak’s thought of since he knew it was a thing. And the idea of Even being the first - and  _ only  _ \- man to be inside him makes his head spin. He wants it  _ so  _ damn badly, but they haven’t done it yet. Isak’s not entirely sure why. 

“Can we do that? Soon?” Isak asks, lifting his face up. They’re both a little sweaty as Even brings their foreheads together, but it doesn’t matter. 

“Yeah. If you want to.” 

“I told you I did.” 

Even nods as their eyes linger on each other. Maybe they haven’t done it yet because Even doesn’t want to rush things. Maybe he’s worried Isak can’t handle it, wouldn’t want to move that quickly. But Isak does want it. He’s not sure how to express that he wants absolutely everything because it’s with Even. The fact that he can actually experience all these things with the person he really likes makes Isak want to try everything they possibly can. Right now. Or, you know, in ten minutes. 

“We have the weekend now. Nobody has to get up early, or go to sleep before eleven.” Isak continues, reaching down to adjust himself. He really needs a shower. 

Even quirks an eyebrow up, smirking. “So, you want to do it this weekend?” 

Isak barely refrains from rolling his eyes. “ _ Yes,  _ damn you. We could do it right now for all I care. I just want you to fuck me already, Even.” 

His boyfriend’s eyes go dark and the grip he still has in Isak’s hair tightens. He pushes Isak’s face up and places a single kiss to his chin. “Okay, but we need condoms and lube, first. I don’t have those.” 

Isak nods, allowing Even to hold him still as he continues kissing him gently; their hips still slotted together. “You do want to fuck me, right? I’m not pressuring you?” 

“Isak,” Even whispers, his breath puffing out against Isak’s mouth. He must sense Isak’s sudden insecurity because his expression softens. “I’ve wanted to fuck you since the second I saw you.” 

Isak’s mouth goes a bit dry at the amount of  _ want  _ he can feel pouring off the man in front of him, the way Even pulls him closer despite there being no more empty space between their chests. 

“We’ll go get the stuff we need tomorrow. Right now, I want you to shower while I make us some dinner. I got groceries on the way home.” Even says, placing a final kiss on Isak’s lips before letting go; motioning towards the bathroom.

Isak goes to shower in a dream-like state and stays that way for the entire night. 

**

The next day, it’s around two in the afternoon when they get back from the store with condoms and lube and Isak is still feeling like he’s floating. He can’t really pinpoint what exactly he’s feeling, but it’s a weird mix of excited, aroused and  _ grateful.  _ It seems silly as he thinks about it, wanting to roll his eyes at himself. But he’s grateful because he’s finally with someone. Finally has a boyfriend, who really likes him back. And his friends know he likes guys. 

Maybe he could say he’s also feeling a bit proud, as well, which again sounds so fucking stupid because he’s losing his virginity not winning the Nobel peace prize. But he’s proud because he knows he won’t regret this. He won’t look back and wish it had been with someone else. He won’t look back knowing he tried to sleep with a girl to prove to his friends he could when it wasn’t what he wanted. He won’t wake up tomorrow to an empty bed and a broken heart. He’s proud of being kind enough to himself to finally have this - to let himself be who he really is and not be scared anymore. 

“You okay?” Even asks, wrapping his arms around Isak from behind. 

“Yeah.” Isak says, returning the backwards hug and smiling as he looks out their apartment window. “I’m great.” 

**

Sex is never perfect.

It’s not like it is in the movies where the two people know exactly what the other person likes as they smoothly move into the next position without even speaking. Nobody looks perfect throughout it, either. People get sweaty and sometimes changing positions is awkward and clumsy, but it’s alright to laugh. It’s okay to have it be fun, to talk and make sure the other person is enjoying it without killing the mood. 

Isak discovers all of this during his first time with Even. He might have already known that a huge part of sex is communication because Even had made that clear from the start of this. He might have also known that it can sometimes be awkward, like when he first tried to go down on Even and accidentally choked. 

But he didn’t know how devastatingly intimate it would feel to have another person inside of you. He didn’t know - couldn’t have expected - that it would also really hurt at first, so much that Isak had cried out and nearly asked Even to stop. But as he stays on the bed on his stomach and trusts Even to make it good, the pain bleeds into a hard pressure which slowly turns into pleasure. And before Isak can say anything else, he’s back to full hardness and begging Even to go faster. 

He hangs his head down between his propped up elbows, Even behind him kissing his neck and beginning to thrust in faster. Still shallow, but a bit faster. Isak is making a lot of noise but he can’t focus on how he sounds, doesn’t spare a thought about whether he sounds sexy or not. He doesn’t actually care because he’s so wrapped up in sensation. He is just pleasure, his mind as full as his body. 

“Is this okay? Are you okay?” Even whimpers, and Isak knows he’s holding back. Even knows how to fuck someone properly, someone who isn’t a virgin, but that doesn’t bother Isak. He loves that Even is being so calm, going so slow and making sure Isak’s alright. 

He loves Even, and something about the vulnerability of this day makes him feel crazy with the realization that he’s in love. He fucking loves this man. 

“ _ Yes.  _ Don’t stop.” He pleads, pushing back so Even goes deeper. It’s a lot, shocking, but it’s also so fucking good. 

“Isak.  _ Fuck.  _ Go down. Just like that, yeah. _ ”  _ He instructs, pushing until Isak is flat against the bed; his dick rubbing against the mattress as Even fucks in deeper, hitting a spot inside Isak that makes him moan. 

Tears spring into his eyes, his whole body coiling tight; the pressure building and building. He can tell he’s leaking profusely as he balls the blanket in his fists, his hair falling out of his bun. Even’s panting against his back, holding onto his hips as he puts a fair amount of his weight against Isak _.  _

He never wants it to end, but he knows it’s going to be over in seconds. Even tells him he’s close, that he always wants to stay buried deep in Isak, and it’s that confession that makes Isak come. It’s the hardest he’s come in his life, and it doesn’t seem to stop climbing; the descent apparently in no hurry as his boyfriend pounds against his prostate. He keeps shooting, whimpering and trying to breathe through the ridiculous onslaught of his orgasm. 

He feels Even push into him a final time, staying there as he groans Isak’s name, and his body finally gets the memo that he’s done coming. He sucks in a loud breath, his face wet with tears and sweat and now Even’s spit as he attempts to pull Isak around for a messy kiss. They almost succeed, laughing when the angle prevents their lips from lingering. 

And everything about it is Isak’s version of perfect. Messy, sexy, awkward, intimate and amazing. Maybe sex  _ is  _ perfect after all, especially when it’s with Even. 

**

**1 month later**

Isak thinks his floorboards are actually shaking as Even screams into the phone from his bedroom, the door closed but doing nothing to muffle the sound. Isak’s in the living room, nervously biting his bottom lip as he tries to finish his final lap of Mario Kart. He’s in tenth place, which proves how shit his concentration is right now. He’s trying not to eavesdrop, but their apartment isn’t exactly soundproof. 

“Because it’s  _ my  _ life, Dad, and I don’t want to work there anymore! It’s boring as hell! I hate it!” 

Isak winces, hearing how close his boyfriend’s voice is to cracking. 

“No, it has nothing to do with my new boyfriend. I’ve felt this way for a long time. Maybe Isak just gave me the courage to finally admit I’m unhappy working for you!” 

At that, Isak can’t help but smile. 

“Well, you don’t have to understand but you have to fucking respect my decision. I’m giving my two weeks notice, end of discussion. Goodbye!” 

A few minutes later, Even opens the bedroom door and walks over to the couch. Isak turns off his game and puts his arms out, offering a hug. Even comes willingly, stretching out over Isak’s lap and brushing away the tears trying to break free. 

“He’s such an asshole.” 

Isak nods. “I know. Are you okay?” 

“I have no fucking idea what I’m doing now. No clue.” Even huffs, but he doesn’t sound angry. He sounds relieved. 

“You’ll figure it out.” 

“I don’t even know where I’d start.” Even reaches for Isak’s hand and motions for him to run it through Even’s hair. Isak chuckles, obliging. 

“Make a list of things you like. Jobs you could see yourself enjoying. But you don’t have to figure it out right this minute, okay?” 

Even nods, pushing into Isak’s touch like a cat. “Okay.” 

“Hey, Ev?” 

“Hm?” 

“I love you.” 

Isak’s known for a while but hasn’t said anything. He didn’t want to overwhelm his boyfriend, but he’s never been more proud or more in love with the man next to him as he is now, and he needs to say it outloud. 

Even looks up at him, a little startled but also pleased. After a few seconds, the corners of his lips turn up into a smile. “I love you, too.” 

“Totally chill, though. We’re still taking this chill.” Isak confirms, licking his lips as he feels a blush spread across his cheeks.  _ Even loves him too! What the fuck!  _

“Yeah. I can see how chill you are right now.” Even smirks, kissing the inside of Isak’s wrist. 

“I’m the  _ chillest.”  _

“Right.” 

“Not at all feeling so insanely happy I might burst.” Isak nods, trying to be stoic but instantly failing. He breaks into laughter a second later and Even joins him. They look like fools but it doesn’t matter. 

They’re fools in love.

**

“Hey, Isak. What’s new?” 

Harry, his tattoo artist, is a man in his early forties with the most detailed leg tattoo Isak’s ever seen. He’s mostly covered in ink, something he’s immensely proud of, and he’s done all of Isak’s tattoos. 

Isak hasn’t been to the tattoo parlour in awhile, and it feels like he was an entirely different person the last time he was in this chair. He smiles up at Harry as the older man waits for an answer. 

“Well, a lot of stuff I guess. I have a boyfriend.” 

Harry gives him a thumbs up. “Nice. Going well?” 

“Really well. And I’ve been thinking about going back to school. Haven’t decided for what yet, but I was thinking about carpentry.” Isak says. A trade is one option for him, but he isn’t really sure either way. Some days he wakes up and wants to go to University for English because he loves books. 

But the thing about it that’s new is that Isak’s been thinking about it, where he wants his life to go. He’s not in a huge rush to decide, but seeing himself as having options wasn’t something he was ever good at. 

“Good for you, man. Let me know what you decide. Now, what are we doing today?” 

An hour and a half later, Isak walks out of the tattoo parlour with the promise to come back soon and a side-hug from Harry; his forearm without the sleeve wrapped up securely. He smiles to himself as he heads for the tram, excited to unveil his new ink to his boyfriend. 

He didn’t get Even’s name or his face tattooed there. He texts that to Even when his boyfriend asks when he’ll be home and how it went. He didn’t get another quote from a book or a drawing of a character from a film. 

Instead, just below his elbow the word ‘pride’ is written in plain text. It’s the simplest thing Isak’s had done, but it’s a reminder to himself that he  _ is  _ proud. Of himself. Of Even. Of the fact that he’s still taking life one day at a time but also figuring out what’s going to come next. 

And that’s not something he’ll let himself forget. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/feedback welcome and appreciated as always.


End file.
